the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize