why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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