She just used a chaser for red wine.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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