take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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