i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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