Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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