I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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