someone threw a dead crab at me
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
