all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize