There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
