i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
