In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
