I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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