If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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