guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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