yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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