Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
