I hope mine doesn't look like that
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
