You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
