I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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