so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
where are you?
Hypothermia
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
