You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize