In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
