just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
