Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
my being single is dangerous.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
