What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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