Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
