We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
