The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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