You made me cry and you don't even care
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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