So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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