Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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