I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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