dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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