its not stalking. its research.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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