He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
