So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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