I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
