I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
