yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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