Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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