I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
