yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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