bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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