You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
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