just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
