You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
