Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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