I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
