God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
