Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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