So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
