Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
