Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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