shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
