that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
