I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
