Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
