I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
