I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
