I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
