It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
We need to get me chipped asap
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
