Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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