i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
