we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
