How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
