She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
