This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
