if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
