So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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