Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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