Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
The air was thick with penises
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
