yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize