are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I need help removing her.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
