He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
