does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
