my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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