I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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