My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
She has the best kind of daddy issues
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
