yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
