I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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