Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
they need to just BURY HIM!
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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