he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
a search helicopter?!
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Terrible idea I love it
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
