Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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