I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
