The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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